Farking advice for CDG Airport

I spend a lot of time on Fark. For the holidays this year, some anonymous individual gave me a month's subscription to TotalFark. And a big thank you and best wishes in the new year to them!


It's not news, it's Fark.com (pops)

Yesterday, after semi-lurking on TotalFark for a week, I got the brilliant idea of asking other TFers what to do with a 12 hour layover at Charles De Gaulle Airport next week. I got some good advice, some insight onto the current CDH situation, and some funny, sometimes not PC, replies from TFers. I'd like to share some of their comments below. Thanks to all the TotalFarkers and TotalFarkettes who sent advice, both what I posted and didn't post (Hey, my mom reads this. Really personal comments on sexual practices are a little too much).

If you've got to transfer airlines (like Delta to Air France for instance) - you're going to need all that 12 hours to get through!
/Just kidding
//Not really - it can take you a few hours though believe it or not

I was about to say that. It's unbelievable how long it takes to get around that airport. It's not like a normal airport, where one portion of the airport, and only one portion is under construction at any given time.
No, at CDG, the whole damn airport is under construction. And to transfer flights, you usually have to exit the airport (as in go outside, into the fresh air, go all the way back through security, passport check, etc.), and the walk is usually quite lengthy.
That's if you're lucky and don't get a flight that lands at the one terminal which requires a 45 minute shuttle bus ride to the main part of the airport - a ride that largely consists of (as far as I could tell), going in circles.
/spent too much time in CDG recently
//least favorite airport in the world

that should be just enough time to get to your gate. de gaulle airport sucks.

Insult the French in English.

Find a cute french boy on the flight with you and spend the 12 hours with him. Don't exchange contact information, just agree to meet at some time in the future.

Wander through the airport and see how many people surrender to you.
/Works better if you act like a New York street person.

The RER can get you into the center of Paris in about half an hour. If you take the RER to Chatelet/Les Halles, you'll be within a fifteen minute walk to the Louvre, Centre Pompidou, and Notre Dame. If you manage your time and use the Metro you can see a lot of great stuff in a short amount of time, since it's a relatively compact city.
Thinking about it some more, if you only have time for one thing to see in Paris get off the RER at Denfert-Rochefort and take a tour of the Catacombs. While you've seen countless pictures of the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre, etc., you've never, ever seen anything like the Catacombs outside of feverish nightmares.
/lived in Paris for years

Subscribe to TotalFark.
/I could keep busy for a month on that.

spend a few hours watching water pour in through the broken pipes/leaky roof. was good for a laugh while i was waiting for a flight (shortly before having a farking SNOW GLOBE confiscated by the genii in charge of the things not blowing up service). be sure to pick up some horribly over-priced snacks from the arab guy next to the pool of seepage water.
//CDG is an armpit

You're heading to Mozambique for a year? Why not just enjoy a decent meal and a glass of disease-free water? It'll be the last of either that you'll have for a while. (This one had Chris laughing pretty hard.)

When I was stuck there, I saw dog take a crap on the ground, then watched the crap for 15 minutes waiting for someone to step in it.

Smack french dudes in the nuts with a giant roll of french bread and take their women.

drink wine and hit on french women. That's about all I do anytime I'm there.

Look for the guy that's been stuck there for 15 years. Buy him a beer.

French hookers and blow.

I HAVE A BOMB HIDDEN IN MY BERET

Surrender

No one said the original Crazy Horse Saloon / Cabaret (read strippers)? (pops)
/Used to be right outside the airport

So now I have some interesting choices. I was also advised to find Cocoon (if it is still there) on the bottom floor of the main terminal and take a nap and shower, by a good friend who frequently travels through CDG.

For anyone interested in the Parisian Catacombs, here were some of the links posted that show photos.


http://triggur.org/cata/ (pops)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catacombs_of_Paris (pops)

http://film.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/Guardian/0,4029,1299449,00.html

For those visiting Portugal:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capela_dos_Ossos (pops)