Desperation

I check my mail at the US Public Affairs Office once a week. Because I am on a Fulbright, I get diplomatic pouch privileges within certain limits. I can order a book now and again from Amazon, and my mom and dad can send letters.

So I believed myself out of the reach of junk mail for a year. Ha! Visa must be really desperate to be sending me a credit card application in Mozambique. What a waste of taxpayer money and trees. I'm really surprised this was forwarded.

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Thanks again to everyone who has dropped me a line. My Dad is doing okay. He had to rescedule his appointment for 1 June, so no more news until then. :(

Getting By With A Little Help From My Friends

The past few days have been rough. I haven't been sleeping or eating much. And I really haven't been motivated to work at all. My entire situation would normally trigger a plummet into the depression that accompanies me everywhere. However, this morning I woke up feeling tired, grey around the edges, but otherwise okay. My Dad's condition is still unknown, but I don't feel a midnight blue. So what's different?

This time I told lots of people about how I was feeling in my blog. Normally, I bottle up everything and dump on a select few. Chris usually shoulders the majority of my burden, and for that I am very sorry. Everyone else gets a smile and absolutely zero knowledge of how I am truly feeling. (A psychologist I once consulted termed me a smiling depressive and said it was difficult to believe I had problems. That was my last visit with him.) But this time, it was too much to deal with on my own.

Of course, I have spoken with Chris and my brother Wil, but they are family and know how I can be. I love them dearly, but I am slowly coming to realize that with really big stuff, sometimes it is good to have more than one or two people to lean on. They get tired. Shared burdens really are easier to carry.

In the past three days, I have had concerned emails and instant messages from friends all over the world and even a phone call (on Skype). There hasn't been any pity (which would have made me crazier); just a concern about how my Dad is and how I am doing, and whether there is anything they can do to help. Thanks everyone. Just asking is a big help. It has really meant a lot to me. You have done a good deed, and hopefully, someday I will be able to return the favor.

O Coração: Você É Uma Coisa Muita Frágil

On Mother's Day my parents called me. It started out well, but then my Mom said, "You Dad has some news for you." Her tone of voice was not good. It was the same tone, and almost the same words, she used when she told me she had cancer (my Mom is in remission).

My Dad is 80 years old. He has had 2 (or 3?) heart attacks, open heart surgery for a triple bypass, a couple of stents, and a pacemaker. He also has prostrate cancer, but lots of older men do. They usually die of old age first. In the past few years, Dad has gotten more fragile (cracked ribs). He falls a lot because the medications he takes make him dizzy. Despite all that he was still climbing up on the roof to replace shingles last fall.

So I waited for the news I knew that I was going to dread. The only question being, what is going to bring an end to my Dad's life?

"My heart is fibulated." Huh? His words, which may or may not be a complete understanding of what the doctor told him. The top chambers of his heart no longer work; the muscle is all stretched out like a rubber band. The bottom (larger) chambers are the only part ensuring that blood still pumps through his circulatory system. The doctor disconnected the pacemaker wires to the top half to save on the battery (Save on the battery? WTF?). There is a lot about artial fibulation online, but it is difficult to sort through. I'm still reacting right now.

My Dad tried half-heartedly (bad pun, but my Dad always appreciates a pun) to crack some jokes. I told him to take it easy because I want him to see me walk at graduation. He said he would be there regardless. It made me think of my friend Li-Kuang who just graduated with her doctorate from UGA. Her father died while she was in the process of writing her dissertation. During her defense, she placed a photographed of her parents (both are deceased) on the stand so that they would be with her in spirit. I'm being selfish, but I really don't want to put a photograph of my Dad on the lectern when I defend. I want him there to give me a hug.

I think that my Mom started to sense I was dissolving into banshee wailing mode. I do that sometimes - like when my parents tell me they have a potentially terminal illness, and I can't fucking do a thing because I'm not a deity and I live on the other side of the planet. They got off the phone in a hurry, despite having spent an hour trying to reach me.

My Dad kept telling me not to come home and that he is very proud of me. That I can't do anything. I don't know what to do. I would rather see him now while he is still alive and we can enjoy one another's company. Once he's gone, it is too late and I don't want to regret that for the rest of my life. We don't always see eye to eye, but he is still my Dad. Still the Dad that built me a tree house, put up with all my questions about how stuff worked and why, taught me to fix things around the house and on my car, shared music with me, pulled me out from underwater under an overturned tractor, told me stories and sang me to sleep when I was little...

I've known my Dad's time was getting close for a while. He's 80 years old and doesn't follow the doctors orders about his diet or health very well. It still sucks.

I haven't been sleeping well, but last night and tonight I can't sleep at all. When I am alone, all I want to do is cry. My chest feels all hollow and it gets hard to breathe.

My Dad will find out how long he has on 25 May. Meanwhile, my younger brother is considering quitting his job to go home and help my parents out (depending on the news). He lives in Pennsylvania and is a little closer to them. This is the downside of my work - being far from my family when they need me most. I don't know what to do.

Student Presentations: Anthropology and Geography

Linda Manjate is an anthropology student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. She is interested in the connections between environmental, community, and personal health. Her research will look at how the Reserva Especial de Maputo affects the health of Gala's and Madjadjane's residents, the status/abundance of medicinal plants within reserve boundaries, and whether differences exist between medicinal plants harvested for personal use and market sale. lmanjate at yahoo dot com dot br


Vânia Pedro is an anthropology student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. She is interested in traditional wild plant knowledge and how people acquire this knowledge. Her research is looking at how plant knowledge is transmitted and the relationship between types of knowledge transmission and plant management practices. vania.pedro at nambu dot uem dot mz


Sergio Julane is a geography student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. He is interested in the socio-economic and physical environment factors that influence where people choose to live and build their homes. His research will assess the spatial distribution of homesteads in Gala and Madjadjane; looking at the influence of factors such as water supply, soil fertility, and livelihood. sejojulane at yahoo dot com dot br

Student Presentations: Biology

Ângelo M.M. Francisco is a biology student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. He is interested in how ecological factors influence people's decisions about using space, locating their homes and agricultural fields, and choice of resource harvest locations. a.fra2006 at yahoo dot com dot br


Márcia Langa is a biology student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. Her research will assess firewood harvest in Madjadjane and Gala. She is interested in the types of firewood people harvest, local management practices of firewood harvest, and potential damage to vegetation caused by over-harvesting or poor management practices. marcia_langa at yahoo dot com dot br


Leocadia Naiene is a biology student at Universidade Eduardo Mondlane. She will be collecting climate data from Mozambique's National Meteorological Institute, as well as conducting oral history interviews with older residents of Madjadjane and Gala about climate and vegetation changes and storm events. By comparing data from both sources, Leocadia will build a picture of the area's environment and changes to such over the past 50 years (at least). leoangy at hotmail dot com

Research Preparations & Presentations

From L to R: me, Vania Pedro, Linda Manjate, Angelo Francisco, Márcia Langa, Leocadia Naene, and Sergio Julane

My research group finally got to present publicly today. Even if the public that turned out consisted of 4 professors and a geography student. I was very disappointed. We originally planned to present our research proposals last week, and I had sent out emails early last week in anticipation. About an hour after I got out the last email, I got a call from Cornélio requesting that we move the presentation to this week because people at the Dept. of Natural Area Conservation (Ministry of Tourism) wanted to attend. He wanted to give the students an extra week to polish up their presentations since they would be presenting to more than just the department. Okay. That sounded good. DNAC is a potentially good connection for students who are looking for work or internships after they graduate. So, I emailed everyone again. Unfortunately, two of the people that would have definitely attended were in the field today.

Students got their titles to me by Monday. I forwarded the flyer to Cornelio for posting in the biology department. I came in Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to help polish the presentations as best I could, but some of the language stuff still flys over my head. Late Wednesday, I received 2 flyers for posting in Geography and Anthropology. Angelo and I walked them over to the other departments and posted them, but I didn't have a good feeling about it.

Anticipating that people would be a few minutes late, we used our extra time to upload everyone's slide shows and correct last minute typos. I learned that attention to detail surpasses national boundaries. Mozambican biology, anthropology, and geography students are just as picky as their US counterparts when it comes to making presentations look good. They might even be more detail oriented. Angelo spent 10 minutes making sure all his fonts matched and were large enough for easy viewing. Linda and Vania (picture) looked over their presentations to anticipate potential questions - which they then proceeded to ask one another.

Angelina Martins, a botany professora that I am working with, showed up about 20 minutes before we were to start. Cornélio had asked her to introduce our group, and make sure we had a projector set up. Already done (that was me being anal retentive). A colleague of Sergio's from geography showed up a few minutes before 2PM to see what we were planning and to support Sergio who was pretty nervous about presenting. (He did a fantastic job BTW.) Then Esmeralda Marianas, an anthropology professora, arrived a little late but she had just gotten out of a meeting and rushed over. Esmeralda is going to be teaching ecological anthropology next term and co-supervises Vania and Linda with me. Cornélio Ntumi and Eunice Ribeiro, both biology professors, arrived an hour into the presentations, but they had warned me that they might be late because they had to attend a thesis defense for another student.

That was our audience. I can't tell you how disappointed I was - pissed off might be a better term. The students worked very hard to improve their presentations - practicing, rewording slides, reformatting to make them clearer, etc. We presented to ourselves and our audience of one. I am not counting the professors because we've been working with the students all this time already. Well perhaps Esmeralda counts since she didn't know too much about the biology projects in advance. But no DNAC, no other professors or students from biology, no professors from agronomy (they were invited). Remember, I didn't have a good feeling about posting the flyer so late in geography or anthropology. One can always hope, but the pragmatic part of me did prepare to be disappointed from that direction.

I can post their work here and reach a huge audience. Over the next couple of days I will be posting a description of the projects (and linking to presentations if I can figure out how to do this). I will post a picture of each member of our Maputaland Landscape and Culture Research Group (the link goes to a separate but related project), with the title of their research, a brief description of the project, and contact information (they requested the last part). If you are interested please comment.

Africa/Afrika - video test

I wanted to test out the video posting capability of my blog. Occasionally, I find video clips of Mozambique (and may be making small ones with my camera) I'd like to post, but there always seem to be glitches.

Sometimes the covers are way better than the original. I really enjoy Tukuleur's cover Afrika (Toto sang the original). Tukuleur are 2 brothers from Senegal who rap in French. The song is on their album Njibinaami (2000).



I hope you enjoy this cover too. It is a little different. The guitarist is good IMHO.